Conversations July 29, 2010

Posted on by Frank DeMarco

Thursday, July 29, 2010

3:20 AM. Good morning, Ernest. On page 81, Baker quotes one of your Nick Adams stories, in which Nick is getting married. “He wondered if it would be this way if he were going to be hanged. Probably. He never could realize anything until it happened.” That last sentence captured me, for some reason, and I couldn’t help wondering what it meant. He could never realize anything until it happened. What did you mean?

Nothing particularly important. I could imagine things in lots of ways, but I couldn’t really make them real to myself, couldn’t grasp a new fact ahead of time. Sort of how you felt as the year 1999 turned into 2000 and you found yourself in a new century forever and couldn’t quite grasp it. You felt like you should feel differently, somehow, and instead you were just you, where you were, and although the century had changed there was nothing to tell it to you but an abstract idea.

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Conversations July 27, 2010

Posted on by Frank DeMarco

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

3:50 AM. Sixty-four years old today. It sounds like so much, and I feel so scarcely begun.

All right, Papa, nearly 4 AM. Your parents and you?

It isn’t that I’m shying away from the subject but that like all the guys upstairs as your mind constellates them, I circle around and provide context so that you get a better idea of how any given thing is placed in its context. It’s important that you see how things interrelate. It’s much less important that you see any given thing in isolation — as if “in isolation” could exist.

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Conversations July 26, 2010

Posted on by Frank DeMarco

Monday, July 26, 2010

4:40 AM. Well, here we go again. But I am blank this morning, so I hope somebody is primed to go. Who’s up?

Nobody? Maybe I’ll just go back to sleep. Good thing for you the coffee’s on. How about you, Papa?

Sure. Your queued-up questions refer to my relations with my parents.

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Conversations July 23, 2010

Posted on by Frank DeMarco

Friday, July 23, 2010

Nearly 5 AM. Funny, these guys. Subtle, too. I’m lying there asleep — at least I assume I was asleep — and I hear the doorbell, “ding dong” — only low, muted, and anyway this house’s doorbell doesn’t sound like that. And so with an internal smile I realize that it is my slave-drivers suggesting that it’s time. Out of hand, these guys. And of course they remind me of my friend Rich’s conceptualization of his Guidance. When he wants an answer, he visualizes a doorbell and pushes it. Calls them The Doorbells, which ranks up there with Frank And The Guys Upstairs as a good name for a singing group.

All right, Ernest, I see the point now of a list of queued-up questions. I was just fishing around, wondering how to begin, when I remembered that I have a couple of questions left.

Continue reading Conversations July 23, 2010

Conversations July 22, 2010

Posted on by Frank DeMarco

Thursday, July 22, 2010

5:30 AM. Yesterday, as I was very aware, was Hemingway’s birthday. Who would have thought he would come to be so much to me? Finished Reynolds’ volume 1, and started re-reading [Jeffrey] Meyers, slowly, which is more interesting this time than the first time. Have not moved in Baker, waiting to get my questions [to Hemingway] in.

As I have talked to people about what I am doing, the question about certainty has presented itself, or rather, my old knowledge that certainty isn’t possible, only resonance. It’s still conceivable that I’m making all this up, regardless how convincing the contacts feel. And just as I could never prove it to anyone else, neither could I prove it to myself. I am left with Jesus’ test — by their fruits you will know them. So far the fruits are joy as I come to each day’s task, enthusiasm and joy, and insight. Or so it seems. But of course I am aware of the danger of leading myself and others astray.

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Conversations July 18, 2010

Posted on by Frank DeMarco

Sunday, July 18, 2010

2 AM. Okay. Papa, I don’t know if it is worthwhile for us to continue the discussion I thought we might have about community, but I’m available if you wish to do so.

Of course I’m available. Haven’t we been setting you up?

It certainly seems so, often enough!

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Conversations July 19, 2010

Posted on by Frank DeMarco

Monday, July 19, 2010

5:15 AM. Was going to skip this until later, saving my energy, but I guess we’re going ahead. So — what’s today’s theme?

Look to your on-going list.

All right, let’s talk about your relationship to your father. This isn’t quite on my list, but it’s in my mental list, and in fact is in my mind since reading in Reynolds last night. So — your father.

My father. From my perspective now, the subject looks a lot different.

Continue reading Conversations July 19, 2010