Wednesday, September 25, 2024
8:40 a.m. Somehow the telephone thing is a sort of last straw. I cannot imagine it actually resolving, though I will go to Comcast in person in an hour or two to try again, which quite possibly will result in it getting fixed.
But there are too many unnamed unlisted things that spell doom. I do not feel like the soul, merely the avatar, and not a very powerful or autonomous avatar, at that. It is as if all I can really do is talk via ILC to whoever it is I do talk to. I have a feeling that depression instead of explosion is how I am being affected by all this upset. Depression and a feeling of helplessness and isolation and wrong-paths-chosen. (Lungs let up recently, though.)
Oh God, what am I going to do?
Just continue being you, refining away any part of “you” that you’d rather not play.
Is that even possible?
Isn’t it choosing? You are not being driven into explosion, mostly because you brought that under your conscious control.
I could do the same with depression?
Do you have any reason to think you couldn’t? It is a matter of reinterpreting a mood, into seeing it as a mood rather than reality. And you have been doing that for a while now.
Viktor Frankl again.
You recognizing that it is the key is itself a key for you. Frankl’s external life didn’t change as a result of the decision, but it did change and as it changed, his changed-resolve (call it) led him to make choices in a continuous direction, restoring and preserving his sense of being not a helpless chip floating in eddies but, say, a passenger observing the voyage. Still not under his conscious control, but his attitude toward whatever came at him altered the experience and what he could get out of it. It is not control that is the point here, but input.
I searched and searched for that final word. “Input” isn’t right, but I had to end the sentence somehow. What is the right word?
As usual, when we get stuck, we need only step around the obstacle and continue.
That’s what I’m doing, giving you a chance to step around.
We’re making a point for others who may encounter the same problem. When you can’t find the word or the concept, start again a few words or sentences back, and see what comes.
We’ve told people that before.
Repetition, remember.
The point about Frankl’s approach was that life – his life, your life, anyone’s life – is not about you controlling it, it is about you getting what you can from it. Absorbing experience, drawing conclusions, changing your mind if it seems called for. If you think you should be controlling what happens to you, and that greater mastership will result in greater control, well, that is one possible path. That is the lure that tempts people into white – and often enough into black – magic. But it also leads easily to depression or disbelief or despair, or all three.
If instead you concentrate on absorbing what happens to you – letting life drive, so to speak – you are concentrating not on manipulating the outer world, but on shaping and reshaping your inner world.
And look carefully at that! That amounts to saying, you in paying attention to the inner world, so called (the you-ness rather than the world-ness, other-ness) are taking the more direct route, though we know it will sound backwards.
No, I understand what you mean. If the outer world as we experience it is for all practical purposes our unknown self, our shadow, then in concentrating on externals we are trying to manipulate the reflection in hope of the reflection changing the original. But if we stay focused on the original, and see the external as the reflection that it is, we can know what it is telling us we need to (or anyway have the opportunity to) address.
We don’t know how many people will be able to follow what you just said in the way you said it, but yes, that’s the idea. All paths are good, remember, but in practice one or another particular path will be good for you. Your construction as avatar will have made you in such a way that you will naturally prefer this or that as more natural to you. (And some will choose what is less natural to them, they seeking the challenge.) So for some, close engagement with the outer world as reality; for others, engagement as symbol. Whichever you choose, you may do well or badly, efficiently or not, consistently or not. But any path per se offers opportunities.
Well, I don’t know if it is the content of your talk or the experience itself, but I do feel better. Soldiering on is something I can do.
But you don’t have to be quite so grim about it. Life also contains coffee and chocolate, you know.
Smiling. Thanks.