[Excerpts from conversations between Rita Warren and “the guys upstairs,” in the years 2001 and 2002, edited from The Sphere and the Hologram.]
Wanting to help
R: Okay. A bit of a change of topic here. Sometimes Frank seems to feel very dissatisfied with his life. How do you react to that?
TGU: Well, we’re used to it. [pause] There’s nothing wrong with dissatisfaction, there’s nothing wrong with any state.
R: So this isn’t a situation where you might give him some advice, or –
TGU: Oh, we’ll always give him advice! Will he take it? Or will he be able to take it? And, – [pause]
Supposing you have a child and you want the child to perform some intricate task. You might make it harder for them to learn by hovering over them than by giving them a little distance. You might, by giving them a little distance, reduce the pressure on them, actually. So, in other words, we hear you saying we could help if we chose to by being closer, but actually not. Not in our judgment, anyway. But we’re always there when he asks. And we’ve certainly given him plenty of clues over the years. Plenty of nudges, really.
R: Do you understand the source of his depression?
TGU: Certainly.
R: In a way that you could help those of us who care about him, help him out in some way?
TGU: [laughs] Well, the problem is, how does anyone know what is good or bad, what is right or wrong, what is helpful or not helpful? We appreciate the intent, but this is really his bicycle to learn to ride, and other than running along with the bicycle holding the seat until he sort of gets his balance, there’s not much one can do. Otherwise, he won’t really learn how to ride the bicycle. He may get to the end of the driveway, but he won’t still have learned how to ride the bicycle. It will actually have crippled him rather than assisting him. This is not to say that it is bad to offer someone help. Of course it’s always good.
R: But it sounds as though your recommendation would be to take the same stance you’re taking, which is feel supportive but let him live his own life.
TGU: Well, you wouldn’t have any choice about that anyway. No one can live another person’s life.
You could – theoretically – find the source of someone’s depression, or someone’s anxiety, or someone’s rage, or any other strong emotion or dominant emotional pattern, but as we say, it might not be a good thing. The impulse to help is always good. The care and compassion is always good. But there may not always be a point of application, and if there is a point of application, it may not always be really what’s needed. Supposing one had a fever so that certain germs could be burned out. Reducing the fever might retard the process of burning out the germs. On the other hand, reducing the fever might prevent death, you know, so it’s always a matter of judgment.
To give you the bluntest answer, there’s no way that you can get at his sense of the meaninglessness of his life. He fights that out, but if it were easy enough for someone to give him an answer, he’d have got the answer.
The Sphere and the Hologram, 15th anniversary edition, published by SNN / TGU Books, is available as print or eBook from Amazon and other booksellers.