[This conversation took place a week after I returned from two weeks in Egypt.]
Monday, March 11, 2019
So then, friends. Talk to me.
We’re always talking back and forth. Mostly it doesn’t involve words.
“People are always praying, and their prayers are always answered.” The hired man Tarbox said that to Emerson.
In a way, we outside 3D are always praying, and you in 3D are answering or denying what we would have you (us) do.
I suppose that is one way to look at the result of the vast impersonal forces, and the vast personal forces, contending.
Contending by what we are, not necessarily by what we wish.
We in 3D are always at the center of things, and yet are nearly insignificant in the larger scheme of things.
Isn’t that true of your lives in general? “God is a circle whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere.”
That’s the first time I’ve understood that saying in that sense.
As you change, everything you know changes aspect. It is just natural.
I feel like this is our first reset after Egypt, after a sort of forgetting.
You didn’t forget, you were unable to maintain. There’s a difference. The spirit may be willing and the flesh weak. That isn’t the same as the spirit deciding, “It’s too much trouble,” or “This other bauble is more alluring.” When you returned to your home and what had been your life, you had a day of functioning in unified fashion before you got sick. You deliberately and calmly went through necessary chores as they occurred to you and as you prioritized them. You felt as you are feeling now.
That’s so. I hadn’t quite realized I was feeling it again now till you mentioned it.
Which is why we mentioned it. Describe it, for others and for your own later purpose of comparison.
Everything quiet inside. Almost a need to balance, physically. The body quiet but not lethargic, energy-filled but not buzzing in the way one is when trying to sleep through jet lag, say. Awake and alert, the line open but no static nor competing programming. A nice state to be in.
This was your state, and you got sick. Being sick, you did not forget your intent to remain connected, but you were unable to bring the energy to physical endeavors. Your physical illness did not lead you to forget the connection, you see. You knew what you wanted to do, and, more important, wanted to continue to be.
It might not have worked out so well if I had been unable to breathe.
Here you are selling yourself short. It isn’t like there has been no permanent acquisition.
That’s very good to know.
But you know, it is like the sexual analogy you drew: The woman is always able but not always willing; the man is always willing but not always able. Like any broad statement, it could do with some qualifying, but it is true enough. And like most analogies, it may be applied in more than one way. You in 3D may be always willing but not always able. More commonly, you are always able but not always willing.
Relative to doing the will of the larger being rather than insisting on doing the will only of the localized 3D consciousness as if it had no larger context.
That’s a decent way to understand it. and now you are more likely – hence, more able – to continue to serve Ra.
Yes, that’s what came to me in Egypt, and not for the first time there. Something within said, “I still serve Ra,” and I understood that to mean, not that 21st-century-me served an ideal formulated thousands of years earlier, nor that I am divided among various beings each of whom serves gods of their own, nor that it is strictly a metaphor for willingness to serve the part of ourself larger than the 3D self. It is a little of each of those things, but it amounts to something more.
It amounts to a 3D-shaped consciousness aware of itself not as a unity but as a community, and now proceeding to a sense of itself as an integral part of something that transcends itself and yet depends upon that 3D awareness. Both, not one or the other.
For some reason I think of Prince Gautama, naming his newborn son Fetter and walking away from his life as a prince.
Balancing the obligations of one’s life in society against those of one’s duty to one’s own soul, which would you choose? There is no wrong answer. It’s all in what you are willing to sacrifice, for what purposes.
A life spent “serving Ra,” “doing God’s will,” “remaining connected” to the guys or the higher self or call it what you will, amounts to living a life you will find most satisfying, and the way you think about it mostly will be tacked on after the fact, as usual. Only, don’t be afraid of words, or of other people’s misunderstandings. Lead the life you are called to lead, knowing it will be mostly incommunicable anyway. Your life is what you are, not so much what you do. What you do is a pale wavering misleading shadow of the life you really lead. How else could it be?