So You Think Your Life Was Wasted (24)

A lack of imagination, and a means of approach

Thursday March 16, 2006

(9:15 a.m.) Well, I suppose I should get to work. You splendid gentlemen and ladies – feel free to chime in. Say, while we’re on the subject, is it that I have mentally categorized you as “the gentlemen upstairs,” or “the guys upstairs,” that no women have appeared? Why have no other lives as a woman come to the fore, and no women appeared to talk, in the way Mr. Lincoln did, or Henry, or others.

Perhaps it is a lack of imagination on your part?

Imagination?

Well, if you cannot feel your way toward someone, it is harder for her to manifest.

You mean, it is easier for me to imagine myself a monk than a nun, say.

Exactly. And easier to imagine yourself “modern” or western than “ancient” or eastern. And the only two “ancients” you remember are closely tied to your work connecting to the other side.

Thus giving me a means of approach – affinity of temperament if no other.

Yes. So the approach should be clear.

Hmm. I think I see. Maybe I should set my control panel to particular openness to the feminine side of life?

Any way of expressing (that is, solidifying) intent will do; nothing wrong with the control panel if that approach pleases you.

But then maybe a better approach would be to set my intent for all unbalanced aspects of my life to come into balance.

Could be a little chaotic, but yes you could, as you use your “what question should I be asking but am not thinking of..” Still, why not focus a bit, at the moment? You are on a major thread; follow it.

And don’t think I don’t recognize the prompting that led me to bring up the subject in the first place. It gets harder to distinguish, as I get better at smelling rats. And perhaps this is because it was only an arbitrary distinction to begin with.

[Not least of the ironies of the circumstances surrounding this book is that I regarded these sessions as a distraction from the book I was “really” writing, a narrative of several years’ altered-state experiences.]

Monday April 24, 2006

This morning I can’t get going yet. I read the email and looked at the news and I pick up the big book to write up my September 2000 sessions and can’t be bothered to make an effort. Perhaps I can blast through it – or perhaps someone else has something on my agenda?

Yes.

Who? This is an unfamiliar feeling energy. [I am holding, waiting for it to clarify.]

You are still in many ways trying to lead a normal life. You will find it ever stranger. This is what you want, you know. It is not a matter of us taking you from what you wanted, but of leading you toward it.

Yes. And I am mindful of the dangers that have been reported, of people going too far and being deceived and even injured by hungry ghosts.

Well, the doubt and hesitation has served you well, has it not?

Yes, but maybe so has normal life.

An interesting change [of attitude] for you!

Yes, isn’t it. Very well, I have stated my ground. Who are you and what is the agenda?

[The strangeness faded as it had come, in a smooth diminution.]

All right. Guys, what was that all about?

You are beginning to reach farther – to extend your range – and that is an early effect. But it scared you some , and so it backed off lest future contact be harder.

I see. Well, I certainly could feel the difference, as when Carl Jung came in. And that is one function of a spirit “conductor” isn’t it – to act as intermediary.

In several ways. First, to hold the connection; second, to be the familiar presence that reduces fear or awe; third to provide continuity.

That third point isn’t clear to me.

You set out to do something; an unprecedented thing happens; then whatever follows happens. Although you don’t commonly experience it consciously, these transitions require buffers. We are that buffering.

All right, re-reading the message, I get it. Still trying to lead a normal life. But I can’t put all my eggs in this one basket, can I? How many times have my apocalyptic feelings been wrong so far?

It isn’t a matter of an apocalypse. It is a matter of fundamental change entering the world through your agency and that of others.

Well, when have I ever stood in the way?

Many times, but not quite consciously.

All right. Point me.

Merely be open and we will proceed.

Go ahead.

Your writing helps the energy to flow.

It is a curious thing. For just a minute, my own handwriting looked strange to me. I was looking at that capital M in “merely” and for a minute the balance shifted and it was as though it was a different letter because I was treating the lead-in stroke as if it were part of the letter. So instead of M I had more like a curling rope leading into letters that themselves were merely turns and curls. Impossible to describe but a clear change, if ephemeral. But in writing this, the strangeness hasn’t come. I thought it might for a minute. Let’s try again. I’m ready if you are ready.

Not me, but Christ in me, is the old saying.

The recurrent desire to organize, to sweep away clutter, to have at your fingertips what you need – and no more – is a part of this longing for clarity. Every unneeded thing may clutter your mind. Are you going to obsess on silver and on economic trends, or are you going to do your work? What you treasure is not – treasure. It is consciousness, power, connection.

Absolutely. Are you saying I have been neglecting this? Well, you don’t need to say it, I’ll say it. I find it hard to keep my focus.

Yes, I know. Rituals. I don’t have them.

When your consciousness drops, you forget the reality of higher states of being. This cannot be helped, it is a law that the lower does not comprehend the higher.

And I couldn’t write this morning because I was not inspired – I was trying to push it through rather than being led.