So You Think Your Life Was Wasted – Section Three (2)

You may think you know where this entry is going after the first couple of paragraphs, but I think that, like me, you will be surprised.

January 7, 2006

A friend gave me the DVD of “Dances With Wolves” for Christmas. and I am watching it on my computer, a little at a time. The following is from this morning’s journaling.

I do not understand why watching this movie still hurts so much. Whenever it is of the white man learning the Indian ways, for one thing. My active raw pain is no less than it was in 1992 and I understand it no better. I was building a little fire and I realized I perhaps haven’t been seeing those scenes just from the white man’s side – as I had thought. I have called myself, so many times, a white Indian. And I suddenly realize it is more like I am caught between the two. And now I know why. This can never be validated but it can be experienced.

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