TGU on communication and miscommunication

Saturday, April 10, 2021

Here’s the backstory:

Friday, April 9, 2021

9:35 a.m. Highly satisfactory session. I guess we’ll get to Sue’s question and the internet interruption next time. Maybe I can lay out the basics here, so I don’t have to do it then.

My telephone connection had developed a loud annoying buzz, but the internet connection remained, so I signed on to Century Link and they diagnosed the problem and said I’d get repair service on the following Monday, five days away. Well, I still had internet, so it wasn’t the end of the world. On Wednesday at 4 p.m. I joined in with our weekly ILC group that Dirk facilitates and hosts. Small group this time, only eight of us. Things proceeded, and then as I was saying something, half an hour or so into the session, suddenly everybody’s faces froze and a few seconds later I was kicked out of the zoom session. I still had computer function, but now I had lost internet connection. “Well,” I thought, “Five days until Monday,” and did other things.

Unbeknown to myself until I saw the recording of the rest of the session, after my connection was fixed, what the others saw was Dirk reading aloud Sue’s typed question, my face freezing – and then, poof, disappearing – for all the world like I had abandoned ship in the face of the question. Pretty comical effect!

Although I expected to be out of telephone and internet connection until Monday, to my surprise I discovered, next morning, that both had been restored.

The backstory to Sue’s question is this: Jane Coleman had reported that on Tuesday their small group had explored using their group mind first to send healing energy to Deb Edmondson, to help with her surgery (Wednesday). Then she had said they also wanted to help Papa’s Trial succeed. At that point, I said something to the effect that the healing energy was more immediately needed. After a few minutes, Sue sent the text message that Dirk read immediately after I lost access, though before they could see that I had lost access:

[Sue’s question: “Frank. What did you feel or think before you redirected attention to Deb and away from a focus on Papa’s Trial. Is this something that happens at other times to you around success?”]

So besides being a nice cosmic joke on me, I presume it had a purpose, and so I thought I’d better ask.

Saturday, April 10, 2021

6:45 a.m. Two questions, rally. Why the drama and what’s the answer to Sue’s question?

This may go in directions you don’t expect.

What else is new?

Yes, well – The point of the drama was to bring you to deal with a recurring theme in your life that you rarely discuss, namely, being put in a false position. What everybody saw, and what actually happened, were not the same thing.

No. Anyone looking at the recording would swear I had heard the question and froze, and if it weren’t for the fact that nobody could make their own image freeze like that, who could doubt their eyes? And then my picture vanishing like that was comical, and did look exactly like a kid disappearing out of embarrassment. That wasn’t what happened from my end, but that’s what all the world could see with its own eyes (assuming that all the world was interested, that is).

Now, are you sure you didn’t hear the question?

?? I was, until you asked. Do you mean, maybe I’m remembering it wrong?

It is always a possibility, for you, for anyone, at any time. That possibility is always the joker in the deck that must be kept in mind.

Well, it didn’t take you long to get into unexpected territory.

Good. The more surprising, the better; it will lead you past the expected, into undefended territory. So you see, already there is more to the situation than you thought. (1) Your actions may be misinterpreted by others because the facts on your end may not match the facts apparent to others; (2) Your actions may be misinterpreted by yourself because you misremember what happened. And of course as usual we are speaking not to you alone and not of you alone.

Otherwise it would be a private session, I understand. Although, more than once what I thought would be a private session has become a public one.

Yes, but how often did it ever go the other way, from public to private?

Never, as far as I recall.

For good reason. Well, here already is a basic problem in communication between a person’s inner experience and the world’s understanding of him, or of her. Without any intent to deceive, without any intent to misunderstand or to force anyone’s story into a preconceived idea, the very circumstance of lives being led as individuals offers plenty of opportunities for people to read situations differently.

It’s easily seen in biography, but I suppose I haven’t really understood that it necessarily is the case for all of us, even in private, even if “the world” doesn’t know we exist.

Yes. It is inherent in the situation of living  as separate 3D individuals. However, remember you each are also “separate 3D individuals” inseparably connected to non-3D non-individuals, so to speak. That is, you are connected at a level usually opaque or invisible to your conscious minds. Thus you are and are not living in separate bubbles. Thus you keep secrets, and everybody knows anyway. You mold your personas, your images, and they are and are not effective.

To move it to the historical, so that you may see it easier: Prince Philip died yesterday, and the world remembers him, each according to their own filters. The Philip who lived and the Philip who was experienced by others is necessarily different, not because he may have been intending to project an “image” or because people have been determined to see him a certain way, but because nobody sees all the facets of anybody.

Not even ourselves, given that we are not very conscious of so many facets of our personality that are obvious to others.

It’s deeper than that. It isn’t merely a matter of personality but of essence. It isn’t just that people don’t see all your roles, but that they don’t see all your motivations, traits, drives, contradictions-being-lived, etc. As we keep saying, you are mysteries to one another, and you never have the data to judge, but of course as a practical matter you necessarily judge all the time, if only provisionally.

So you may regard this drama of your disappearance from the screen as merely pointing out that the question Sue asked is important, or you may see that it also—not instead of, but also – involves larger questions of communication. Your sense of the inevitability of your being put into a false position is the unstated background to the second question.

Well, that’s my experience in life so far, being placed by circumstances and appearances into false positions, and being unable to show others that it is false.

And are you so sure which is a false position and which is merely an appearance you don’t recognize?

I was until you brought it up!

Good, be less sure, because the sense that you are doomed to be misunderstood can be a crippling barrier to attempts to communicate. You might look at it this way: You will be misunderstood, because everyone is. But those misinterpretations will meet people’s needs, and may be as fruitful ultimately as correct interpretations, whatever “correct” may mean in this context. So, given the certainty, what’s the problem? You know Monroe’s refrain.

“You do the best you can.”

Precisely. We can’t see how you or anyone can do better than you can! You may occasionally have a great day, and surpass yourself, but that merely reflects upon the inadequacy of your judgment of your limitations. That is, your best is better than you thought.

Fifty minutes in, and we haven’t gotten to Sue’s question.

So do you feel we wasted those minutes?

No, just acting as timekeeper.

Perhaps investigating the uses of the drama was as important as looking at the question that it centered on.

Well, now here’s an example of a false position. I can image somebody reading this saying, “Well, he intends to avoid her question.”

That’s our point: There isn’t much use in tailoring your actions to try to avoid being misread. It’s going to happen regardless. Live your life.

That’s what I have done. It isn’t always easy.

It’s always a choice. You can live for your own reasons or you can live so as to satisfy what you think are other people’s expectations or demands. And maybe life is always both of these, in different proportions one person to the next, and even one time of your life to the next. In neither case can you safely expect to be understood, because if you are acting from your essence, your personality will be misunderstood and if you are acting to project a given personality, your essence will be no less visible the more you project successfully.

All right, and I can hear you closing your lecture notebook and getting ready to leave the podium, but unless Sue’s question requires an entire session to itself, why not just go long and deal with it now?

The question has many facets and you will be tempted to slur over them even  by its own nature; impossible to deal with them at the tag-end of an hour.

“The Perils of Pauline” again. Okay, thanks for this and I look forward to next time.

 

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