Being, not doing

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

6:50 AM. I am surprised to realize that for the past few nights my sleep has been interrupted only to get up and go to the bathroom. No wheezing, no particular discomfort other than my injured ankle. Somehow I moved back into health, as usual not quite noticing.

8 AM. The intervening time having been wasted. Am I ever going to get back to working?

Noon. Dragon 11 came by UPS, and I’m installing it on the Toshiba. This is the only thing I’m accomplishing except tweaking a painting and getting room two slightly more together. I don’t much like this situation, physically able to work but not (apparently) ready and willing.

Almost 3. Jesus, do you have a message for Nancy through me? Or can she hear it unaided?

Maybe it is the other way around, and my message is for you via her. Her interest and her difficulty has brought to the fore preoccupations of yours, has it not?

I suppose so.

Concentrate on shaping your character and leave off worrying about career and accomplishment, etc. It is your time of contemplation. Your life has been so ordered to provide it. Give your gifts a loving assistance but do not think that your career is external in the way you often think of it.

All right. This matches my inclination – except for the inclination to do nothing.

I think you will find that it is an inclination to “do nothing” – that is, to idle away time doing nothing practical – rather than doing busy work that would actually interfere.

I will take heed.

Do.

Thank you. I wish I knew more.

Seek. You will find.

So you promised. All right.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

These words of Jesus struck deep. Do I know they are of Jesus? How could I? But I do know that they struck to the bone. It is my time of contemplation. It has been arranged. I have the money on which to live, the place in which to live, the time and tranquility in which to study. Not UVA but my own library will lead me.

So is this an end to reading mystery novels? Maybe, maybe not. But it is an end to frustration connected with lack of production.

It is time for another intensive period of ingestion, following my intense production of The Cosmic Internet. And front and center at the moment is the Urantia Book, and of the life of Jesus it portrays. Michael presses me to do things, but I think what I must do now is to be, to think, to absorb, to contemplate. Production can wait until its time, as indeed it would anyway.

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