Friday, August 30, 2019

10 a.m. Not really doing anything, still. Why not? Recuperation is a frail reed to lean on. A paltry excuse, I mean.

 Tell me more about what changed when I was ten, and again at twelve when I didn’t quite drown.

And, you might add, the time you fainted in church and came back – just before you would have lost consciousness completely – when the ushers got you to the front door, thus allowing you to remember the event if with no sense of its meaning.

All right. Three events, then.

And there could be others added. Anyone’s life is fuller and stranger than is realized from inside or from outside – that is, by self or others.

The incident at ten – that influenced my whole life and I always knew it, but I didn’t really conceptualize it until much later. Yet now we work on the assumption that a message from my future shaped it.

No. The message, received, reshaped its importance. It reconfigured your second- and third-tier reactions to life, you might say. So this version that you live is more magical and open than the ones in which the message was not received and the encouragement was not taken to heart. By the way, notice that the message and the response were below the threshold of your consciousness. It nearly always is; that allows the essence to bypass the personality. However, the fact that it is done by stealth is not the point here.

The incident at 12, like the fainting-spell in church, allowed a brief bridging of worlds with conscious observation. Because you did not quite lose consciousness, but came so close, in circumstances that had your attention, you got a glimpse, so to speak, of the existence of more than the sensory world. It came without conceptualization, so could not be rationalized away, even if you had so wished. And because your attention was then on aftermath – post-fainting, post-near-downing – you passed on to other things and didn’t obsess over what had happened.

I get the sense of our lives being continually or anyway repeatedly tweaked.

Remember however that what you experience as external events are in reality dramatizations of what you are and where you are trending at the moment. No two people experience the same event or series of events or background conditions identically.


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