[An interesting feature of these backward glances is references to things I no longer remember in any detail, such as the journey with Dave’s group referenced toward the end.]
Friday, December 4, 2009
8:30 AM. Up at 430, etc. But I am coping. My friends, how do I get out of the box? And immediately I hear your answer: choose to be out of it. The way one chooses to do or be anything, I suppose.
8 pm. I had forgotten. I wanted to write a great work of literature. I can’t remember what that was supposed to accomplish. Validate me, I suppose.
11:15 p.m. Journey.
Went down stairs into the earth. Was with my body, not just watching it. Down, in, till I was in a place I couldn’t move from. Womb. Wondered if in fact it was the womb. Couldn’t move. Waited for something to happen. calm. Finally, tried to move forward, couldn’t. thought of sideways, but first tried downward and broke through. Just as from a womb, I thought.
Forest floor. Called fox, who led me through, sometimes on a path, sometimes cleverly avoiding traps, going around things etc., I following. Disappeared, and I realized he was in a fox hole. Foxhole, as in the army. Safe from combat. I got that. [I had said goodbye and thanks to the fox, before leaving him.] Called for goose after thinking, eagle. It wasn’t a fat Mother Goose type goose, but a beautiful Green-necked Canadian goose. I didn’t ride it but became one, and rode with it – through my living room! Into the work room! Through the computer screen, and we were in the upper world. I flew for the fun of it, the joy of flight. Whatever happened in the upper world, I don’t remember. Took eagle flight down, to return, another thrilling eagle’s-back ride.
Friends, any comments?
As you say, it represents your life. Acceptance, waiting, avoiding trouble and danger, waiting. Flight to the upper world’s remembered freedom. The almost claustrophobic prospect of life in 3D. But – patience, faith, rather than panic or futile effort.
Yes, and entrance to the upper world through the computer screen. A nice touch, I thought it.
Few people remember what a radical change it is from the isolated but more intimate – more mammalian, let us say – world you were born into.
It’s true. Such connectivity.
Food and drink, to you.
So – Dave Garland’s group were on the beam. More heart, better blood function, “Birds are important.” Jesus’ love and the cross, me in darkness, refusing. And the “opaque white malevolent mass” removed from me.
And – choice. You can be what you choose to be. Surely the past dozen years have shown that.
One feature of this day has been that I am pretty sick of reading all the time, but I don’t know what else to do to pass the time. I don’t often think of journeying.
I was prepared to find myself panicked at the thought of being trapped in matter, but there was none of that. That isn’t the cause of asthma. I was patient and calm, waiting, and then I set out to see what could be done to get the show on the road.