Monday, March 11, 2019
5:30 a.m. Writing the day’s blog entry [about Egypt] at night rather than using this time, so that I could get back into touch this morning, was a good idea; I hope it works out. Three weeks ago, we began our adventures (if you don’t count airplane rides). Last week I was beginning a week of illness, a week that brought my weight down, not bad. But although I still have traces of the cough, I am hoping the illness is gone. It is up to me to continue to slim down by intention, not by illness.
So then, friends. Talk to me.
We’re always talking back and forth. Mostly it doesn’t involve words.
“People are always praying, and their prayers are always answered.” Somebody said that to Emerson. The hired man Tarbox, I think.
That’s what it amounts to, only you don’t consider that, in a way, we outside 3D are always praying and it is you in 3D answering or denying what we would have you (us) do.
I can’t say I’ve thought of it that way, but I suppose that is one way to look at the result of the vast impersonal forces, and the vast personal forces, contending.
Contending by what we are, not necessarily by what we wish.
It is difficult to hold on to: We in 3D are always at the center of things, and at the same time are nearly insignificant in the larger scheme of things.
Isn’t that true of your lives in general? Anyone’s? God is a circle whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere.
That’s the first time I’ve understood that saying in that sense.
As you change, everything you know changes aspect. It is just natural.
Rita used to say she’d hate to be bored, and the guys used to respond, then that isn’t very likely to happen, is it?
I feel like this is our first reset [after Egypt] after a sort of essential forgetting.
You didn’t forget, you were unable to maintain. There’s a difference.
The spirit may be willing and the flesh weak. That isn’t the same as the spirit deciding, “It’s too much trouble,” or “This other bauble is more alluring.”
Okay. Why the theological language?
You are going to merge understandings, are you not? They might as well get used to it.
This is for the public, then.
Take it that from now on, pretty much anything is or may be for the public. You’re long past self-consciousness at this point.
True enough, o king. So – ?
When you returned to your home and what had been your life, you had a day of functioning in unified fashion before you got sick. You dealt in passing with the obstacle of the dead car battery; you deliberately and calmly went through necessary chores as they occurred to you and as you prioritized them. You felt as you are feeling now.
That’s so. I hadn’t quite realized I was feeling it again now till you mentioned it.
Which is why we mentioned it. Describe it, for others and for your own later purpose of comparison.
Everything quiet inside. Almost a buzz, almost but not quite a dizzying, or, call it almost a need to balance, physically. The body quiet but not lethargic, energy-filled but not buzzing in the sense of uncomfortable urging to random motion, the way one is when trying to sleep through jet lag, say.
So, to sum it up more concisely?
Awake and alert, the line open but no static nor competing programming. A nice state to be in.
Now. This was your state, and you got sick. Being sick, you did not forget your intent to remain connected, but you were unable to bring the energy to physical endeavors.
Yeah, like going up or down stairs!
But your physical illness did not lead you to forget the connection, you see. You couldn’t do anything but you knew what you wanted to do, and, more important, wanted to continue to be.
It might not have worked out so well if I had been unable to breathe.
Here you are selling yourself short. It isn’t like there has been no permanent acquisition.
That’s very good to know.
But you know, it is like the sexual analogy you drew: The woman is always able but not always willing; the man is always willing but not always able. Like any broad statement, it could do with some qualifying, but it is true enough. And like most analogies, it may be applied in more than one way. You in 3D may be always willing but not always able. More commonly, you are always able but not always willing.
Relative to doing the will of the larger being rather than insisting on doing the will only of the localized 3D consciousness as if it had no larger context.
That’s a decent way to understand it. and now you are more likely – hence, more able – to continue to serve Ra.
Yes, that’s what came to me in Egypt, and not for the first time there. Something within said, “I still serve Ra,” and I understood that to mean, not that 21st-century-me served an ideal formulated thousands of years earlier, nor that I am divided among various beings each of whom serves gods of their own, nor that it is strictly a metaphor for willingness to serve the part of ourself larger than the 3D self. It is a little of each of those things, but it amounts to something more.
It amounts to an ego – a 3D-shaped consciousness – proceeding to an awareness of itself not as a unity but as a community, and now proceeding to a sense of itself as an integral part of something that transcends itself and yet depends upon that 3D awareness. Both, not one or the other.
For some reason I think of Prince Gautama, naming his newborn son Fetter and walking away from his life as a prince.
Balancing the obligations of one’s life in society against those of one’s duty to one’s own soul – put it that way – which would you choose? Only, there is no wrong answer. It’s all in what you are willing to sacrifice, for what purposes.
Is this a diversion?
Do you not feel the wave of energy seemingly in your forehead?
An indicator that we’re still on the beam?
An indicator, anyway, that whatever is happening is not casual, is not wool-gathering.
Okay. So –?
A life spent “serving Ra”, “doing God’s will”, “remaining connected to the guys” or the higher self, or call it / us what you will – amounts to living a life you will find most satisfying, and the way you think about it will be tacked on after the fact, mostly, as usual. Only, don’t be afraid of words, or of other people’s misunderstandings. Lead the life you are called to lead, knowing it will be mostly incommunicable anyway. Your life – anyone’s life – is what you are, not so much what you do. What you do is a pale wavering misleading shadow of the life you really lead. How else could it be?
Ah, Emerson again. He really miraculously knew.
Knew it, lived it, expressed it as best he could. It is for each of you to do the same, if you would be contented.
Nice to chat with you again. At some point I should type up our few conversations from the trip.
It isn’t scripture. Nothing lost by not transcribing, any more than by not reading. But, do if you are so inclined.
This one first, though.
Till next time, then.