One of my longer conversations, this morning — 13 journal pages instead of 9 or 10 — and the realization it led me to was SO satisfying.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
F: I awoke with the warmest feeling. I had been one of the inner circle, and I knew how lucky I was to be working for Jack [Kennedy]. We were moving into office the first day, everything was a huge mess, stuff [some leftover, some incoming] all around, in our old clothes, especially me, joking. I had to supervise the workers putting my own office in shape, but I didn’t want to leave his presence. When I did, I found three shelves of dusty volumes that had obviously never been read – Congressional Records, I thought, but they weren’t. They were some woman’s self-published diary over decades. Gradually woke up and did not lose that happy feeling, as though I was and am one of them, one of the inner circle of idealists of whom Jack Kennedy was the center. And in an odd way it still feels true. It is as if I am in touch with unsuspected parts of myself that have been functioning all along. I am connecting it to the article I read yesterday about Castaneda’s work being reproduced in a laboratory, and my work of recovering lost journal entries of my own, and watching “The Adjustment Bureau” again last night. Odd confluence.
F: 6:45 a.m. Oh. Took till now to realize, I can ask. Guys, what’s up with the dream and that feeling?
The guys upstairs (TGU): Left you happy, didn’t it?
F: Oh yes! Happy with a feeling like nostalgia rather than with any present-day responsibilities, or any longing. It was like I had been part of something wonderful, and I was remembering the glow.
TGU: “Pass through the glowing.”
F: Does that old poem, purportedly by Yeats [that I got while in a Lifeline exercise 20 years ago]have something to do with this? I remember seeing it yesterday in one of the journal entries I printed out.
TGU: Surely you see
F: I have “Yeats strands” within me, as he had, perhaps, “Bertram strands” within him. Oh – Oh.
TGU: Yes. Now on the one hand don’t allow yourself to get puffed up, because it isn’t special to you – it is universal – and on the other hand, now you see.
F: And I couldn’t have handled this earlier, no matter how welcome the news would have been.
TGU: It would have been a strain, to avoid an enhanced superiority and inferiority complex.
F: Wow, I see it. And seeing other people’s reaction to such ideas on my blog, and on TMIE, has provided me with great mirrors, letting me see the same reactions, in other combinations, and from the outside, as it were.
TGU: Now, slow down, damp down, and spell it out.
It is another aspect of “we are all one,” except like most things the understanding differs.
No, that’s not the way to put it. Rita’s daughter [the psychic Laurie Grant] has had the experience of oneness with everything, and others have had it, and it totally transforms them and the world they live in. Mine is a somewhat more localized experience than that – a sort of halfway house between thinking oneself individual and isolated, and (on the other hand) thinking oneself – realizing oneself – one with everything.
TGU: With the caveat that this is a transient if helpful understanding, that will change with further experience, proceed.
F: What I have, this morning, is the sense – the knowing, the reconceptualization that became a feeling, and reciprocally the feeling that has led to a knowing and a reconceptualization.
At some point I could spell out the long journey that took me from conventional views of reincarnation to this, but not now. Here is what I realized – here is what is real to me, at least right now.
Everyone we are ever drawn to, for any reason – karmic links, people call them – is not because we have dealt with them before, but because in a sense we have been them. Not that I was Yeats or I was Hemingway or JFK or Lincoln or Thoreau or Emerson or Churchill or the Wright brothers [Wilbur Wright, actually] or so many others, but that at one time or another, in one way or another, each of them –
This is going to be hard to put into words. I seem to remember having tried to do it before, but I’ll keep trying.
TGU: Maybe a chart.
F: A chart?
TGU: A mythical chart, not a genealogy or even a soul genealogy, but a conceptual aid.
F: Okay. The rings-and-threads picture?
TGU: Start with it, anyway, and see where it leads. But do it left to right, instead of vertically.
F: Okay, let’s see. [an unsuccessful, half-hearted attempt.] no, I’m not getting it.
TGU: Then try it with descriptions working backwards from yourself, which is what anybody doing this is going to have to do anyway. Everybody starts with themselves, even if they hide that fact from themselves. When else could anyone start?
F: Okay. There’s me. I hear about Abraham Lincoln and I am instantly attracted to him.
TGU: Try to keep your biography (that is, your present-day life) out of it. What you are attempting to do is to sketch as an example for others your new awarenesses.
F: Okay. Mr. Lincoln.
1 Lincoln complete as one strand within me.
2 the spirit that became Lincoln and the spirit that became Frank sharing a soul, prior to 1809 or not. That is, this sharing does not depend upon Lincoln having already lived, as #1 would have.
TGU: If 2, [then] that soul – call him X; he may be unknown to history as are most of your or anyone’s connections, of course – that soul forms as unbreakable a connection to Lincoln and his other connections as if you descended from that is were Lincoln.
F: Thus leading to people’s confusion about “I was a famous man or a famous woman.”
TGU: That, but on the positive side, giving you the mechanism for how we are all one, on a more localized level that will have an impact on some people that “we are all one” does not.
F: Okay, I see it. And the only reason to use famous names as examples is because we have heard of them.
TGU: Well, not quite. People who become famous do so because of some reason, which enhances their effect on people. But, in general, yes. You are, and everyone is, mostly connected to people who aren’t famous, but are harder to recognize for just that reason. But just as genetically a king can have millions of descendants after enough generations, so in soul terms, everybody has millions of connections, some of which are going to be famous.
The practical take-away here is that by doing the work of reconceptualizing who and, more, what you are, you have moved into a different sense of yourself – and anyone who does the same kind of work on themselves will have a similar growth of identity.
F: That last phrase was awkward, but I know what you mean – they will see themselves differently and will experience themselves differently from then on.
TGU: Nor is the new experience anything more than a temporary halt (although each can make that halt as long as they wish).
F: Halfway house, I get that.
TGU: So now go type it up and send it out and enjoy your new connections.
F: It is as I was told in that vision in Gateway – “you are not alone.” This is in a way I hadn’t considered. We are not only accompanied by what we could call our spiritual friends – guides, angels, whatever – but by what we are, who else we have been, all those other lives we internally connect to.
Just like you outside of 3D. That just struck me!
TGU: Well, we are the same thing in different terrain. Haven’t we been saying that for 15 years and more?
F: But I never saw it that way. Of course! We are part of the same interconnected network, but 3D obscures the threads that are so obvious in non-3D.
TGU: That’s it.
F: And ego is needed to know who we are in the active-voice sense, and is a problem if it is allowed to distort things by making us think we are particularly important because we “were” Cleopatra, or even because we “shared a life” with the spirit that went on to become part of Lincoln.
F: “You’re special, just like everyone else.”
TGU: How else could it be? Different people get a chance to shine at different times, but nobody is the chief clown at the circus all the time.
F: They said Teddy Roosevelt wanted to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.
TGU: Colorful, certainly a role model who influenced people greatly, but you see the disadvantages of such a thirst to be the center of things. How many people can be the center (of what seems to you to be external life) at the same time?
F: But we are all the center of our own life.
TGU: The life you are entrusted with, that’s right. The life you have been given stewardship over.
F: Well, I’ll put this out there, and people’s comments will tell me where I failed to make something clear.
TGU: For fun, you – any of you – could make a sort of spiritual affinity chart. Merely start with those you feel closest to, famous or not, and keep going as connections occur to you. you may surprise yourselves, seeing how far even your present awareness of such connections extends.
F: I started with those unknown lives that came to me. Not a famous one in the lot, and now I see why. I see why I couldn’t find David’s book or Smallwood’s real name and military records.
TGU: It frustrated you but it also preserved a record of a search for the reality or unreality of ideas of reincarnation.
F: And preserved my from ego-inflation.
TGU: And that.
F: Well, off to the keyboard. Many thanks for the dream, the feeling, and the information.
TGU: Our thanks for paying attention – except you realize, or should, that this amounts to us thanking ourselves, both ways.
F: Well we can form a mutual admiration society.
TGU: We sometimes have a mutual aggravation society, you are sometimes tempted to think.
F: That too. Till next time – and even if it is to myself – thank you. Thank you.