After we finished the ten prep sessions that stretched from September into November, 2000, Skip Atwater and I decided we would take a break before starting another series of ten. For reasons I no longer remember, that break stretched on and on, until Rita Warren gave me another prep session as a birthday present. today and tomorrow, I reprint the transcript from that session. After that, we get into territory that turned out to be much more intricate than anything that had preceded it. More intricate, and more important to others besides myself.
PREP session, Friday, August 03, 2001
F: [very long pause]
S: Now, tell me a little bit about how Focus 10 feels today.
F: Feels a lot like C1. Nothing special going on. That is, I’ve been having difficulty just clearing my mind. Feels physically comfortable. [pause]
S: You could try the handy-dandy tool of the energy conversion box, or you could —
F: Oh Jesus, I for— You know, it’s been years since I’ve used that. I decided in some program to leave it open all the time because I wanted everything connected. That’s a good idea, I’ll do that. Just this once. [pause] Good idea. [pause] “Close the heavy lid.” [pause] Big difference.
Oh, ah, Skip, a while ago the idea had come to me that this might be a good session to do a lot of Focus 15, but I’d say just be guided by your own intuitions on that.
S: Mm-hmm. Well, why don’t you just relax back into this feeling? Take a seat on top of the big heavy lid [they laugh] and let me know when you’re ready to move on to focus 12.
F: I’m ready now, actually.
S: All right, fine.
F: [long pause] I affirm my openness to all levels of my being, and my interest in being more firmly connected, more easily connected, to all parts, and I turn over control to the larger being, and we’ll follow where you lead. [pause]
Man, a block of ice there on my lower right – uh, left foot! Huh. I think they heard me. [pause]
S: I think the metaphor you came up with before on the ice was symbolic of “this is so important, so deep, that it is deep to the bone.”
F: Bone deep. Absolutely. And I believe that they’re doing it just on the one place just to, you know, re-emphasize that it’s not physical. We know that anyway. [pause]I’m glad we used the blanket, though, or I’d be sure that I was just cold. Most of the way up my left leg now. [pause]
Before it was like they were building a crystal around me, and now there’s a visual sense of – almost like a Quonset hut, in that it’s that shape, and I’m in the middle of it, but it’s more, um, it encloses more space than a crystal would. It’s like I’m in a larger space. I think it’s a pun. Or a visual metaphor, anyway. Yeah. The cold and the loss of feeling are almost up to my hips now. It’s almost like there were no legs there. [pause]
S: Again, be welcoming this energy.
F: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. In fact, what I’m doing is not-succumbing to impatience, you know. The sooner the better, as far as I’m concerned. It’s up now, it’s almost a very tangible presence, it’s up – for some reason, more on the left side, up to maybe my elbow. Maybe when I’m out I’ll be able to describe this, but I can’t, I don’t have the words for it now. It’s moving up like a field, like an army front, you know as they move forward, or a cloud front. [pause]
And it’s very interesting, it’s coming up the left side, nearly to the shoulder on the one side, and it’s like it’s going to come at me from the left. [long pause]
It’s more or less engulfed my left side, almost to my – whatever that thing is – breastbone. [pause] Oh, I get that this is – uh, not only is it a metaphor about starting to the left side, but that it’s – just making it obvious that it couldn’t possibly be a physical thing. I don’t know why they’re still bothering with that, we know better. They’re saying, “not every part of you knows better.” [chuckle] Okay. [long pause]
Has pretty much engulfed my whole body except my right arm. It’s moving from left to right. [pause] It started in my left foot and moved up, and went leftwards – went rightwards. [pause]
I was thinking, “I can feel that I’m hungry,” and they’re going, yes, you’re hungry in more ways than one. [pause]
The cold in my left leg is bone-chilling cold and my right arm is, if anything, a little warm. [pause] And I think they’re going to leave it that way; I think that’s just demonstration. Can we move to 15?
F: Man, this is just a whole block of ice now, with the exception of that arm. [pause]
All right my friends, it’s your show, it’s – we’ll go where you want to go. [pause]
Immediate sense of a vast night sky, and I immediately want to say, in the tropics. [long pause]
A sense of lying in the sand, how one would scoop out places for shoulders and hips and stuff, and just lying on my back in the sand that’s been shaped to fit me. [pause]
With a – I want to say a blanket, but I don’t think it’s a blanket. It’s some kind of covering, because I guess in the desert the night must be cool. [pause] It’s more like a reed kind of a thing; that doesn’t make sense. It’s almost like somebody spread a hammock out on top of me, rather than under me. [pause]
There’s something under me too, though, it’s like a – I don’t know, some – well, it’s – soft – it’s flexible and – it’s not a sheet, it’s not clothing, but it’s something like that, just to keep the sand off – or the dirt off, I guess. [pause] It’s like, this is not a moment’s whim, this is something that’s done repeatedly, or – well, it’s done. In other words there’s a ritual to it. Not a ritual with a capital R, it’s just you know, if you go to a picnic you have a picnic basket. Well this way, you have something to lie on after you’ve shaped it out and something to put on top of you just to stop you from getting cold. It’s a comfortable way to look at the stars, I guess. [pause]
There’s a sense that being that firmly connected to the earth is an important part of what’s going on here. It’s not looking at the stars at all, it’s experiencing unity with the stars, and with the earth. [pause]
It’s a kind of mildly altered state like we’re doing, but – not so altered because the ordinary reality is more like it than our ordinary reality would be. [pause]
In fact, there’s a relaxed quality to it, as opposed to a sort of a keyed-up anticipatory quality—it’s almost like visiting with relatives, it’s – oh! I bet they were – well, let’s see. [pause]
Well, I think it’s a way of just being part of all that is. [pause] Ha ha! Oh, okay! It’s, it is in fact, just what I asked for. It is their way of – it’s one way – it is an example of a way of opening channels. [pause]
It’s like, we wake and sleep and wake and sleep, and when we sleep we connect to other parts? This is a way of connecting without sleeping. Sort of. [pause]
S: You’ve been choosing language filled with similes and metaphors. You might turn directly to Guidance and just say, “describe this experience.”
F: And they’re saying, “what do you think we’ve BEEN doing?” [chuckle.] You mean, you mean, um, actually, tell me what you mean.
S: I there a way to not use simile and metaphor, telling me, you’re saying, “it’s like this, it’s like this”; if Guidance were to speak directly, how would it be described?
F: The example given is one in which physical relaxation combines with a mental extension in order to remind the particular focus that is the conscious mind of that individual, of its extension outward into other dimensions and other – um, um, – you would say time or space; to us it’s like a radiation in 360 degrees, only without the implied limitation of circumference, so that -–by relaxing the body and relaxing the mind in a certain way, coming to it with the intent to extend – the de facto barriers that are created by the individual’s day-to-day existence, that is the necessities of living, those barriers are sort of eased out of the picture, so that the individual can remember that it is, at one point, an individual and at the same time a reticulation – whatever that is – of a larger um –
[chuckle] That threw me out, I have no idea what reticulation is and the word just came through. Anyway, it’s saying we’re part of them and – wait a while. [pause]
The important part has been given. It’s the – it’s the – One doesn’t need to lie down in the sand and look at the tropical skies to do the same thing, it can be done anywhere, that’s the advantage of it. It’s a matter of relaxing and extending. All else follows. [long pause]
Now the bottom of my legs are burning hot, and everything else is comfortable and – well, they’re chilled too. [laughs] Oh, wait a minute, there’s a clue there. I see. I got it. I got it. Um, if I put my attention one way they’re hot, and if I put it another way they’re bone-chilled. Both exist. Neither exist. It’s all in what we look at. Or, it’s all in – It’s all in the level that we put our attention at. It’s not quite the same thing, it’s hard to find the words for this. If I touch something, I feel whatever my sensors report. If I almost touch it, I may feel what the energy body reports. But I could touch it and choose to feel what the energy body reports. It’s a matter of where we direct our awareness and how we – It becomes a matter of how we define ourselves, in a way. [pause] Yes, again the total chill all over my legs, and just as a counterpoint there’s the burning again.
S: Yes, I think these are wonderful illustrations, and your last statement of “it depends on how we define ourselves” – going into the session, you were asking to be more connected, and if we then say, well, you’re always connected –
S: – it depends on how you define yourself.
F: Exactly. To ask for more connection is to imply that you don’t already have it. I will – I will – what I really want is not more connection but more awareness of the connection.
S: And does that not imply that you don’t have it?
F: It does. The awareness in this case is the – it’s the part of the network that’s lit up. I want to light up a larger part of the network. [pause] If that’s part of the plan here. [pause]
S: Continuing with the game, then, would that not imply that you could touch it or feel it with your energy body, that you could see the network as being lit up or not.
F: I think it’s like a skill, it’s a matter of learning to do it? Just like learning to feel the energy body was a first a skill and then it became a perception. And finally it becomes just a memory like, “oh, yeah, I remember.” Um, in fact, that’s what’s going on here. By them working differentially with my limbs – wait a minute, what’s-? (They sort of slipped that in; I don’t know where that sentence ends; let’s find out.) By working differentially with my limbs, — it’s a situation where I intellectually know that there’s no difference in the temperature, and I intellectually recognize the difference in the perceived sensations, and this is to help me to know – this is to help me to learn to – what? To – oh, let’s see if I can feel it hot by demand, so to speak? I think that may be what they’re showing – let’s see. [pause] This may take a minute or two.
S: Being in a place of no time….
F: [Heh heh] Yeah, but you aren’t. [Chuckle] [pause] What in the world? [long pause]
I’m having to follow impulse here, on the theory they might be guiding me. I’m sort of kicking my energy legs around. [pause]
Oh, I – wait. So I pulled my left leg out, so to speak, and the energy body’s leg feels as cold as the physical body leg. And they mean that to show me something. [pause] Okay, they’re sort of – it’s like a correction of an idea of mine, I think. [pause] But I’m losing it when I’m trying to put it in words, hang on a second. [long pause]
[sigh] I still underestimate how much the energy body’s connected to the real body – the other body, the physical body. But it’s too much trouble to talk about it. [long pause]
I had thought that the idea of being in 15 would be to make it easier to talk to other parts of myself. But I don’t think that’s what they had in mind, I think it’s more – to isolate me from everything else. [pause]
To concentrate me on my physical body, actually. [pause] As a – something. Indicator, or something. Like a gauge. [pause]
It’s like the physical body has – is – a whole set of clues, if I learn how to read them. And I hardly even know they’re there. They’re trying to correct that. In other words – oh! That’s interesting! Instead of extending other places, which was my idea, they’re saying the real way to extend is to have a place to extend from. They aren’t so much saying I’m wrong in what I’m doing, but it’s that I’m not – using the major – uh, complicated machinery that I have to use. That would get me farther, easier. Oh, okay, that’s – that’s the – all right, that’s interesting. That’s the point of the initial vision there of the guy in the sand. That’s not very complicated but what he was doing was, — The part that’s hidden in what he’s doing is that he was IN his body and extending from it, whereas I’m not, really. [pause]
The question becomes what do I need to do to get to be more in my body. [pause]
S: Perhaps it’s a question of not necessarily being here or there, but being everywhere.
F: There’s a real sense that I’m sort of half pushed out of my body by something. [pause] Richard was talking about this the other day. Yesterday. If there were something else in my space, and I weren’t aware of it, how would I become aware of it? What’s the easiest way to do that? How about if you guys just tell me? Or show me, or make it – is there anything else in my space that shouldn’t be there? [pause]
If so, let’s lovingly eject it. [pause] It’s like I’m in the extremities and I’m pushing in toward the middle, because there’s this huge thing that I’m compressing. [pause] Well, let’s do this first: Tell us who you are and what you’re doing here. [pause] It’s a big egg-shaped presence like, it’s a huge egg, it’s the size of my torso. [pause] [sigh] [long pause] Well, — [long pause]
Well, I’ll put it on the record, I don’t know – if I believe it or not. Sensed this huge presence inside that was really taking up most of the space, and I was really at my like shoulders and like toes – well, starting from the feet and pushing up and constricting it, pushing against it, trying to ask it what it was doing there, and where it got – the sense I eventually got was it thought it was safe here; it came here for a place of safety, and I was pushing hard and trying to get it out, and finally something happened and I persuaded it that it would be safe outside, and then sent it off to the light and that’s the last I saw of it. [sigh] [very long pause]
[change sides of tape, during pause ]