Session five of ten
Friday, October 13, 2000
On Tuesday, Jim Self talked to me for an hour from Chico, California, seeing what was wrong with my breathing, tracing it back to an unremembered incident of early childhood (that, perhaps, my mother misinterpreted as my having gotten too cold, when in fact it was an unnoticed scare by a dog – meaning that nobody had every picked up with Jim did). As he saw, he worked at healing, by keeping me in the present.
He pointed out that it isn’t just lungs, but also throat and nasal cavities involved. When I tell Skip this, he points out that everybody hears me as having sinus problems, and once I hear it, I realize that it is one of those things that are so obvious from the outside and not at all on the inside. I had always concentrated on the coughs and ignored, or rather disregarded, the rest.
I had been getting worried, because I wasn’t getting better, and in fact had gotten only about an hour or an hour and a half sleep Monday night. Tuesday night I got about six hours, in four segments, a vast improvement, and each night afterward was better though by Friday morning I was still not normally well.
[resonant tuning, at first pathetic efforts because I couldn’t put any air into it, and couldn’t help coughing. Then, I pointed my head downward rather than straight ahead and got a satisfactory volume of sound, even a loud volume.]
F: Well, that’s interesting. [More resonant tuning] Hmm. Very interesting. Note to myself, keep your chin down. Might try that with the session, too. [resonant tuning, loud.] [pause] Just learned that if I keep my chin pointing downward, I could do the resonant tuning. Pointed straight forward, I couldn’t. There’s a hint there, somewhere. My head pointed downward, I mean. [long pause]
[hard coughing] I’m thinking of the coughs carrying me deeper into relaxation after each one. [pause]
Again they start with the right leg but now both of them are about equal, halfway up the shin. Same impression of crystal coldness. And as they do that, I’m going to ask, what’s going on with this one spot in my chest, what’s the importance, what’s the meaning, what do I do about it. Because the cold in my legs is sort of a – well, I can only describe it as a crystalline cold, this up here is an unhealthy cold, a – like a wet marsh, or a fog.
So what’s the deal, guys? [long pause]
I think the English monk may have been tubercular. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was quite thin, frail, but he held himself together by what he knew and what his will was. And I’m using the same techniques unconsciously, but –
Interesting if I could cure him. [pause] It’s not exactly tuberculosis, it’s something else, but it’s a lung – I want to say a wasting disorder. Lasts for years, it doesn’t kill right away.
S: In the book here [Louise Hay’s book that Skip keeps by his console] it says for tuberculosis, “wasting away from selfishness; possessive; cruel thoughts; revenge. So I guess what’s it’s saying is, tuberculosis is the physical manifestation of that mental set. And the affirmation which you might like to take to the monk is, “As I love and approve of myself, I create a joyful, peaceful world to live in.”
F: That’s interesting. The first part didn’t resonate at all, but it was the self-criticism, I think. Which is odd. I don’t think he’s selfish and I don’t think he’s those other things, but it’s like he turned against himself for some reason. Quite unconsciously. Well – unconscious that he was doing it to himself physically. Of course what holds for him could hold for me.
In his case, this came on – I want to say in the forties – he was certainly a grown – he was certainly in his – at the height of his powers; he was a mature person with a recognized place when this came on. Hadn’t been with him all his life. I don’t think he resolved it, though, I think I brought it in. Wonder if we could resolve it now? [pause]
I’m basically sending him a message that amounts to, “you have my love, brother.” [pause]
Can we skip up to 15? Or, if you don’t want to do it that way, when we get there remind me. I’d like to sort of identify with him again, more?
S: All right, let’s move on up to 15 right now.
F: [long pause] What comes to mind, it’s almost as though he had a piece of crystal in his chest. That is, it was translucent and cold and powerful. He doesn’t realize – he doesn’t realize – he’s not giving himself credit. [pause]
He’s a lot harder on himself than I am on myself. [pause]
He doesn’t see himself straight at all. Everything he does he condemns as a sort of a – He sees the shadow side of everything. If he heals somebody, he suspects himself of seeking glory. And he recognizes the family connections that got him where he is, but he doesn’t recognize that that it doesn’t explain him. [pause] That got him the opportunity, but what he is made the full experience of the life. Very interesting, as I’m doing this – it has to be a heart connection, because there’s no way he would understand the – otherwise. But as I’m doing this, my own chest is getting warmer. The cold spot’s being filled. Which means – which makes me hope I might be succeeding there. [light cough] That cough was a yes, I think, actually.
He may be experiencing this somewhat as the grace of God, which is close enough. [pause]
It’s hard to tell, but I don’t think he’s as old as I am now; I think he’s in his forties still. Oh, maybe we went to when it began; to nip it in the bud, maybe; to change it. That would make sense. [pause]
It’s still his life to make his decisions, but we might have jump-started it a little, if he can hold it. [long pause]
It was very strange, and maybe fanciful. When I first connected with him, I suddenly realized, “this is not an Englishman I’m dealing with, it’s a Norman, therefore a Latin,” and it was as though two people of Latin temperament can communicate better than a Latin and an English. In this case it would be Saxon. It was as though we spoke a common emotional language. I don’t think it’s “as though” at all; I just don’t know if it’s true. [sigh] I think something did get communicated, though. It feels like it.
And I just remembered the crystal, and I’m about inside of it now, it’s just about finished. The same crystal that has been growing around me, or whatever, as last time. I think that’ll get easier each time, and I think it may have been one of the magical rituals that you do – that one does. I bet it’s being done a lot more than we ever hear about, actually. And this is a way of magnifying one’s ability to – well, (ooh, it’s like I’m turning on my axis now, it’s very interesting.) It’s like, it magnifies one’s ability to influence the surroundings, which include not just material and metal but spiritual and other places too, but it isn’t exactly imposing one’s will, it’s more like performing one’s function. In other words, if one were stupid enough to be involved with black magic, it would be “I want what I want and I’m going to get it,” whereas this is, “I came here to influence the result by what I am, and here is what I am.” And – it’s a form of voting, in a way. “I choose to be this! And by my choosing to be this, that’s one more vote in favor of this-ness, rather than that-ness.” Crude, but I think the idea comes through. [pause]
A lot of people talk about anchoring light, but I understand what they mean now. That’s what we can do. First you anchor it, and then you broadcast it. If you don’t have it firmly anchored, you can never g—er—not anchoring it, as much as – well, it’s got to be in one place, so it’s got to be – well, anchored. I guess that’s why they use the word. It’s got to be placed, grounded, set. Set! So that it can be magnified. So that it can be broadcast.
Again that sense of columns in relation to each other. Crystal columns, or could be anything, stone, doesn’t matter. And in a sense that’s what we are. It’s as though our part here, in the 21st century, is to provide the intellectual framework – (How am I going to say this?) Say the Egyptian and the monk and I are all connected, as we can, whenever we wish. They each put a piece of the whole, and our piece is to intellectual—Not to intellectualize – well, to – Our piece is to see it and explain it. Our piece is the intellectual piece, in a way. We have to find a way to measure – to marry intellect and heart. The age of faith was a different task. Faith doesn’t work for us. And I mean, it shouldn’t, because it’s not our thing. Our thing is to be the precision instruments.
You could make the case that Egypt was the original magic, England was the archetype of faith, and we are archetype of – Nah, that’s all—That’s too—Anyway, we have a specialized function. And I do believe that ours is –part of ours is understanding it and putting it out in a – in a matrix that says, there is no such thing as the supernatural, not because material is all there is, but because everything that we’ve been calling supernatural is as natural as the material. That’s not just playing with words. Get that across, and more things become possible.
And there are things that are possible in our day because of that matrix that weren’t possible in other days. I just now remember the other session where I could see the comparison between the shaman with the single vision, and us with the binocular vision. Each one has the virtues and the defects of the qualities. [pause]
[session continues in post for 5-22-07]